Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize