good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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