she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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