I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize