I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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