had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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