Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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