Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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