I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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