shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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