i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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