Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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