you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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