Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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