you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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