Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no, he came in my armpit
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize