All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize