There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as a side note pls kill me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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