I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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