i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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