Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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