I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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