remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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