it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize