Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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