I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize