I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize