He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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