:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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