Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize