SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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