32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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