Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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