I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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