Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize