Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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