omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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