the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize