You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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