why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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