I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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