Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize