I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize