I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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