Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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