but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We are two peas in an std pod
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize