I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
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Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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