I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize