You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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