Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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